my love for Kate Elizabeth Benner is quite overwhelming at the moment. I don’t know if there are many other people in the world that I’ve laughed with as hard as I’ve laughed with heeer.

and yess , i am leaving this post like this – because besides those two facts, nothing else matters.

iheartyou, <3

I am exhausted, I really wish that I could just leave this post like that.

Todaay was practically super awesome because I made plans for tomorrow night with my beaautiful best friend – Kate Benner. who just so happened to have a 3 hour skype chat with me this evening. yes, we are fully aware that we don’t really have a life.

aaaalso, I was able to present my project today .. which actually turned out a lot better than I had expected – THANKFULLY.

and lastly, today was unreal because Kate was called by three different skype pedophile’s in one day – which practically makes my life almost a million times better automatically.

after watching boys in my gym class play hockey, I have come to realize that a man that wears hockey gloves, skates, helmet or even is able to do any form of a crossover is unbelievably seeeexy. ’nuff saaaid. even though Canada lost to freaaaking Russia in the finals of the World Juniors – landing us with silver. I thought we had it in the bag by the end of the second period. but it really just comes to show that there’s always a chance no matter how much time left or who you may be playing. fear the underdog.

good night, my deeears. you shall be hearing from me most likely after a total party with my bestiee. be prepared for another half assed and exhausted post. (:

iheartyou, <3

I had projects worth 8% of my final mark and I thought that if I didn’t get those done I just might be so mad at myself that you may very well never even have seen me agaaain. and what shame that would be, eh?

well I’ve decided that instead of posting each individual post that I had planned to share with you I’ll just do a catch up insteaaad. and no, I didn’t cheat. because I did in fact remember and I am doing it now which makes up for the entire ordeal… right?

The monday was back to school. So while it was kind of sad to see the break end so abruptly and knowing that I have to go back to the daily grind, but on the plus side I got to see all the beautiful people who make my life complete on a daily basis. <3 All I even really did on Monday night was procrastinate on completing my projects and watched Canada take on USA in the world junioors. which the finals are starting right now as we speaak. I know , aweeeessome!

Yesterday was average. I went to school and got to open some Christmas prezzy’s from one of my bestest friends Danielle. though, I only ever call her Danielle when I’m teasing her, it’s usually only ever Dani .. and occasionally Dan Dan. buuut, for a present I was lucky enough to receive a beeeeautiful grey sweater from American Eagle that I love with my whole heart and sooul. I love it so very much. and then yesterday night was completely brutal.

I decided it would be a wise decision to text most of the evening instead of working on my project so as of now I haven’t slept a wink in 35 hours. I am slightly dying! but thankfully I got the stupid thing done after my beloved all nighter and hopefully it was worth it or someone just might have to hear about it. .. which would most likely be yooou.

and todaay, despite my unbelievable sleepiness, it was actually a really good day. I got to open more christmas presents , but this time around from Jenny. she got me perfume, lotion, soap, Canada mittens and a cute flexible snowman thing. in case you hadn’t quite realized it yet , I absoltuely adooore Chrismtas! (: the main reason i look forward to winter. <3

welll, I will most likely post again tonight out of pure guilt of not posting on the required days. I think I should have 10 free days in a year. … nope, make that seven . because seven is my favorite numberr! so as of now, I only have seven days where I have an excuse not to post. ONLY seven.

hope you’re all having a terrific night. and I’m really sorry if some of my sentences are completely incoherent. gimme a break, I’m draaained.

GO CANADA! yeeeeaa, WORLD JUNIORS.

iheartyou, <3

It has been a long day, m’deeears. I really just feel like quitting this whole deal already.

Buuut, because I love you and because I really just don’t wanna give up this easily – I will write a short and pathetic post for all of yoou! As I was saying yesterday, I spent the entire day flying home so they I could return to the prison they call school.

Naaah, it isn’t that bad .. Sometimes?

Anyways, it was just such a long day between the flight and layover and whatever else. I just knew the day was gonna be stellar when our ride to the airport couldn’t go over 60 miles an hour. There was a layover in Denver as well , and I’m still not certain wether I enjoy them or not but this one I didn’t find too bad.

Just a note to anyone who frequents or may ever to to the Denver airport. Go to Paradise bakery – their gingersnap molasses cookies are just sex in your mouth. Meeh, it’s even better than that.

Well to say the very least I am completely and totally exhausted! Like, I’ll be super lucky if I even wake up for school tomorrow at all.

Buut , before I do – here is my question for you!

Do you like layovers? And if you do, where is your favorite place to layover?  Aaaand, do you have a love for any cafes or restaurants in airports?

Oooh, thank goodness day two is over.
Night all!

iheartyou , <3

Weeell, I do believe it’s safe to say that my hopes for frequent posting were pretty much completely thrown out the window, eh?

I would say I’m sorry, and really that wouldn’t be a lie at all, but I’m sure that another apology and excuse wouldn’t really matter at this point. Sooo, I’ll just get right to it.

I’ve been thinking for a while about things that I can do with my life to make it more interesting. I know a lot of girls around my school have tumblr, flickr and such other accounts that allow you to freely express who yoou are. and even though I’ve been fumbling around on tumblr for a while , I seem to feel a complete lack of originality whenever I log on.

So , I’ve decided that EVERY SINGLE DAY this year, yes I did say every single freaking daay, I will post a blog on this site. all 365 days this year!

Now, let me read your mind here for a second by saying “YES, I know that after a leave of absence of abouut … 4 months I have promised a post for 365 days straight without even a pause in between. Imma call buuuuullshit!” but , would it be totally insane if I said that I’m pretty legit about this?

I always make weaaak New Years resolutions, ones that I don’t usually stick by. But I’ve decided that blogging every day this year , in this beaaautiful year of 2011 that try as hard as I possibly can to pull this off successfully!

I will admit that I’m not promising you all that much. Somedays I might write a couple pages, some days you’ll get 50 words if you’re reaaally lucky. But after one of my favorite youtube channels EVER – fiveawesomegirls has decided to end their 3 year project of posting videos every week day for three years on their assigned days, they have inspired me to do a little something of my own. Throughout their 3 years of posting and collaborating they have changed soo much and learned immense things about life, love, friendship, dedication, perseverance and even more so .. themselves.

I just think it would be incredibly cool to sit in front of the computer screen New Years day of next year and look back on how much I’ve changed in just threehundredsixtyfive days.

but onto my actual post for today – it was a pretty good New Years day.

I’m currently in Mexico right now with the family, actually we’re leaving tomorrow to head back to the frozen tundra in which we call homeee. So today was just a lot of damage control of all the excitement that had went on New Years Eve.

This morning the famjam and I were able to walk along the beach and get our last full dose of sun. We ended up eating at a restaurant on the beach so we could watch the College bowl games that are always on New Years daay! which, you know my immense love for football , so it should really be no surprise at all.

but the incredible (haha, noooot) part about today, was when we walked back down the beach and I was about to turn off the road that lead back to our house here when my mom pulled me back telling me she was going to go down and say hi to our family friends while she was out. so we wonder down a block more and talk for a little while about how freaaking crowded the beach waas! like, it was the fullest I have ever seen it in my 5 years of New Years here. not only was it crowded, but the overflow of people had left a huge mess littering most of the beach down Playa del Carmen. sure enough, when I turn to leave I end up slicing my toe on a broken bear bottle in the sand.

oooooh, the joy!

and of course I’m the type of girl that faints at the sight of blood, so that was such a blast. I’m practically falling all over myself, bawling my eyes out and rendering in complete hysterics. I never knew that I was quite that bad but at the rate I was crying and flailing I think thaat I give myself waaaay too much credit. =)

the night has been pretty laax though. just hanging around and pigging out for the last day before I go back home and back to the usual healthy lifestyle. which I really can’t complain about tooo much.

well, my mother has been coaxing me to go to bed for a while now, because I’ll be boarding the plane a lot sooner than I’d hope foor.

so here is my question for all of yooou lovelies!

what did you do for New Years Eve? pleaaase tell me that you had something fun planned!

what are your New Years resolutions? aaaand, how do you plan on succeeding with them?

to get back to me you can either leave a sweet comment down belooow , or you can e-mail me at then-now-forever@hotmail.com.

Happy New Year everyone! all the best to you and yoour families.

Iheartyou,<3

I apologize for having been absent for.. daamn I don’t even know how long but it seemed like forever. Now, you know that usually I have really terrible excuses for pretty much everything but I can guarantee that this one is better than the last few you’ve most likely heard.

There are a few reasons why I wasn’t able to post of the course of the past few weeks but the one that I believe is the most significant is the passing of my grandfather.

Like I have mentioned in previous posts my grandpa had been terribly ill and was spending most of the last three years running in and out of hospitals with doubts of ever coming out. But so far everytime he had, which gave me great hope that though he could get very sick on a whim that gradually he was getting better. .. It hurts deeply to know I was wrong.

As I have said briefly, he was battling a second length of cancer. He had managed to kick it’s ass once, and we we’re all hopeful that he would be able to do it again. Though this time around a lot of things were bigger problems and tons of questions didn’t seem to add up to their answers.

For example, it took months for the doctors to decide if they really thought he had cancer or not. They could see the growth inside of him that was gradually making it’s way to his vital organs. But they couldn’t make up their minds on whether the cells were cancerous or not.

At least three doctors were positive that the cells were not cancerous… yet another few that they went to were convinced for it to be otherwise. This wasted a lot of time, which is never wise when you’re living on borrowed time.

After plenty of controversy and fights they did a biopsy to tell for sure. They knew that they had taken a long time to come to what would hopefully be a  conclusion, because whatever the growth was forming was as large as a grapefruit. When the biopsy came back it was confirmed to be cancerous and so the second stint of madness began. My grandpa was so weak and battered that he would refuse to eat. Because for some odd reason, when he didn’t eat the pain was almost bearable. But the moment he fed his organs and gave them the ability to move and power up the pain crippled him to an unimaginable state.

One of my dreadful memories of him were sitting around the TV during the 2010 Olympics at my house. Wanting to spend some quality time with him we invited him and my grandmother over. My grandma needed a slight break from the madness to go out and get groceries and a hair cut so she dropped him off to run errands and then come back. I will never forget the endless torments and slices of pain he exposed while he laid on the couch. The pain was so eerie and horrifying that he couldn’t even keep his eyes open. My mom being the caretaker that she tries to be, fed him all that she could. He ended up eating half a bowl of his favorite soup and 2 crackers. He said that that had been his biggest meal in weeks. I’ll never forget the goosebumps that those few words aroused.

My grandpa had gone through a couple legs on Chemotherapy and he was just finishing up. Though every time he went back to the doctor’s he was disappointed to learn that his doses weren’t strong enough to affect the tumor. The tumor itself had ceased growing but was still alive, which should’ve been a positive aspect in the story. But the fact that even after many doses and weeks of trying that there was no affect on it whatsoever.

He was on one of the last legs of his trial with Chemotherapy and it was getting to the point where it had affected his hair. So on the August long weekend when I told you that I was fortunate enough to have my grandfather and grandmother over, they did come! But what no one had told me is that my grandpa had shaven his rich black hair clean off. I’m sure that the look on my face when he came in through the front door was pure surprise which I tried to hide as well as I could for the rest of the evening.

A problem that my grandpa had had ever since he began his sickness was that he was constantly freezing cold. He found that his hands, his feet and his head had become sickly cold. It had come to the point where my grandma had actually forgotten that there was an air conditioning in her house. He would get so cold that he would lay his hands on the glass of the fireplace for hours on end, just to hope to feel some warmth in them.

So of course when he came over we immediately gave him gloves and a toque to keep him as warm as we could.

As I have explained we renovated our basement and so of course they wanted the full tour. My grandpa was so happy to be there and to see all that his son had accomplished in his house. I had never seen him quite so proud. He found the chairs we had installed in front of the TV that were pretty much like nestling into the clouds of heaven. So as expected, my grandpa didn’t leave that seat all night. He watched a movie and as I peeked over my shoulder to see if he was laughing, many times I found his face twisted into a gaze of deep torment.

After dinner and the movie and all that followed, on their way out the door my grandpa told me that it was beautiful to have forgotten the pain if only for a couple hours. I knew that he was lying to comfort me, because I think that he knew this would be the last time we ever see each other. I had no idea, because in my eyes my grandpa was supposed to live forever. I’ll never forget the last hug, and the last words that he said to me.

“I’ll see you soon!”

My grandpa didn’t want to quit enjoying life just because he was ill. So he spent the past few months living life to the fullest he possibly could. He bought a trailer and a spot at the HooDoo’s campground in British Columbia. He bought a new set of golf clubs and a new fishing rod. He bought a boat to hopefully be able to use one day. He spent the last few weeks of his life being able to bask in the glories of life with those that he loved.

I would get into grave detail about how my grandpa passed away but I will spare you all some misery and try to explain as quick as I can.

He took himself my grandma out to his camping spot. My grandma didn’t like the trailer at all. She thought it was a bad idea, and she didn’t really like camping all that much but for my grandpa she toughed it out. She had voiced her opinion many times to him but all he wanted to do was spend some time camping. He had made a new deck to make them feel more at home and for us kid’s he got someone to build a shack with bunkbeds and TV’s for us to enjoy when we went out with them. : )

A benefit and a reason why they chose the Hoodoo’s to camp at is because a lot of our close friends and family have places out there as well. My second cousin Kelly, her husband Darcy, and my beautiful third cousins Madyson and Megan have a spot there, as well as my third cousins best friends. There is the Dame family with the two parents, Madyson’s best friend Dakota, and Megan’s best friend Raeanne, and their little sister Dylan. Then the Moore family with the parents, Randy and Lee, Madyson’s best friend Sarah, Megan’s best friend Emily, and their little brother Randy junior. : ) Also VERY close family friends of ours Jarett & Nancy, with their kids Hunter and Kaci. It was a total full house. = ]

Not this last weekend but the weekend before that my grandpa said he wasn’t feeling good. He was laying in his bed and got up to get some water and collapsed. My grandpa suddenly wasn’t able to control his body anymore and he started releasing bodily matter from all ends. My grandma heard the boom but Kelly went in and saw what had happened. Thankfully Randy, is a world renowned surgeon and was able to help. They called an ambulance and he was carted away to the hospital. Then they airlifted him back to Calgary where they found he was internally bleeding to the point of no return and he bled to death in the hospital room.

My family was at our summer home in Vernon at the time and my dad took a flight home was quick as he could but he didn’t make it in time.

I’ve spent the past week planning his funeral and how he would want everything to play out. It had been clearly stated that my grandfather wanted his funeral to be a celebration. He promised that he would haunt each and everyone of us if there were any morbid, sad funeral traditions. All he asked for was a Celebration of Life.

So that’s exactly what we did. : )

He blew up balloons in his favorite colors, played his favorite songs before and after the service, had a slideshow of many pictures that showed his love for us kids, fishing, hunting and life. We had an ice cream stand in memory, because that had always been his favorite dessert. The adults drank till the wee hours of the morning, on a whiskey that had  been in our family since the dawn of time – John Jameson and Son’s Irish Whiskey. Now this may seem like a coincidence, that my grandfather’s name was John Jameson, that in fact we are Irish and that my grandpa’s son is my dad. : ) but it wasn’t. The whiskey had been created by a relative and an ancestor of many decades past. So it was only right to drink it in his honor.

During the funeral my grandpa’s cousin, childhood best friend, my mom’s brother who worked with him for many years, my grandma’s brother and my grandpa’s most recent best friend were able to speak. As well as my mother, father, aunt Carri, uncle Mike, aunt Lisa, uncle Troy and my grandma were also able to briefly speak of the father, husband and friend that he was. Then my cousins and I were able to recite a poem that we had created upon his passing. And then we finished it off by having the pastor, who was a very good friend of my grandpa’s take us through a prayer and the reasons for celebration.

Every single person that any of my family had spoken to after the funeral said that when they pass they want theirs to be exactly how we had organized my grandfathers. Because instead of endless amount of tears, there were nothing but laughter and smiles for the memories that each of us shared about my grandpa.

Yes, I love him. Of course I miss him. but he is so much happier now, that I can’t even imagine how I could want to bring him back to the pain he was in by wishing him back into the world.

Noooow,

My questions for you, are the following!

Have you ever lost someone dear and close to you? And if so how did you take it?

How would you hope your funeral to be organized. A Celebration like what I was able to witness, or a deep soulful ceremony began by the singing of the old rugged cross?

I hope that you all have a fantastic daay!

I will probably post later on today and talk about what’s going on in this ever so eventful life of mine that does not involve long rants about death. [ =

and if your grandpa or grandma is close by, then give them a huuugee hug. because it can astound you at how quickly things can turn around.

Iheartyou, <3

As a Bears fan there is nothing more I would want than to see a rival as strong and competitive, such as the Vikings, weaken. So this morning .. I would say wake up but considering I didn’t exactly sleep last night I guys I just rolled across [ see what I did there? ] finding out that Brett Favre may be

Now for me, this is too good to be true. I hate to admit it, but I definitely expected Brett Favre to return to the Vikings this year for his 20′th season and then put down the playbook and announce his official retirement.. and hopefully his last. I don’t really believe this for a second.

There will be a press conference held later today and Brad Childress should be at the podium within the hour so I am quite eager to hear about all of this.

But even if he announces that Brett has decided to retire, that by no means seals his fate. I truly believe that despite retiring and all the drama that he has not only put Minnesota through, but rather the entire National Football League, that he will come back just to put his 20′th season in the record books. He’ll probably have another heartfelt speech. Talk about how blessed he was to have been giften another year with a team as unique and inviting as Minnesota. & I can almost guarantee that this time next year we’ll hear the exact same speech like a broken record.

I will most definitely be posting throughout the day because as a football fan, and better yet a Bears fan I am absolutely thrilled to see how this plays out.

Nothing will be set in stone by the end of the day, but a girl can hope right?

Noooow, I’m sure you have opinions so what do you think is going to happen? I’d looovee to know.

You may comment below or email me at then-now-forever@hotmail.com

It ain’t over till it’s over and it’s definitely not over. ( ;

Iheartyou, <3

I can’t be with you and I can’t be without you, I can’t stand it.

You build me up and break me down, I can’t stand it.

You’re so flawless and you’re so flawed, I can’t stand it.

You’re always there and you’re always not, I can’t stand it.

You say beautiful things and you say terrible things, I can’t stand it.

You chase me for days and you chase me away, I can’t stand it.

You’re so heartless and you’re so heartfelt, I can’t stand it.

You smile at me and I’m happy,

now I can stand it.

I am in brutal pain right now from exercising yesterday, haha. I can tell that I really worked my shoulders, arms, quads, calves and lower back. There is a tense and .. painful feeling there right now but I’d like to believe no pain no gain. At least my abs don’t hurt, then I would be having serious issues. =p It’s probably because all of the cardio distracted me from anything else I might be feeling. Like, when my heart rate was up and the blood was pumping really fast that it numbed the pain away. But now, I can definitely feel it. EMBRACE THE PAIN… haha, yeaa right. I’ll just keep complaining, thanks.

There really isn’t a whole lot for me to do today. I don’t have any pets around my house so it’s not like I can get an excuse to go outside by saying I need to walk the dog. = ( which sucks a lot because I’ve wanted a puppy my whole life! I seriously used to beg and absolutely plead my mother to buy us an animal but with all the coyotes and cougars around my mom was too scared to go through losing an animal. Although I want a pet really bad, I understand my mothers worries. When my mom was a kid, she watched her cat get electrocuted and her dog get run over by her brother. In fact, when her dog died she was so crushed about it for so long that my grandparents used a lot of their pay from the farm to buy my mom a necklace that had the name of her dog engraved into it. Now, my mother’s afraid of going through the pain of losing a life but I’m trying to convince her that a long and happy life with a pet would be worth the heartache when they’re gone.

So here is my questions for you!

What do you do stay keep the pain away after a workout? I usually stretch it out, but clearly that doesn’t work all the time. ; ) and also, have you ever had pain like mine after a workout? tell me yo stories!

Do you have any pets? If so, tell me about them. and have you ever been through any deaths with your animals? Did you take it as hard as my mom did, or were you able to look on the brighter side of it all?

To answer either leave a lovely comment bellooow, or you may email me at then-now-forever@hotmail.com

I shall talk to you later today about my extremely uneventful day and if you’re lucky about whatever the hell comes to me in between or after that. : ) Have an awesome afternoon!

Iheartyou, <3

Well it’s the first day of August and when I figured that out it hit me pretty hard. All year round I look forward to summer much like pretty much everyone else with an ounce of sanity. but, I really look forward to it.

It gets to the point at time where I wonder if I spend too much time not living in the moment. Sometimes, I think that I’m always looking in the rearview mirror, or trying to find the fast forward button. I know that it’s wrong to hang around and dwindle until a moment arrises but there’s times when I can’t help myself.

All school year I talk and talk and talk about summer and how much I miss it and wish that it was here and then when it comes it feels like have nothing to look forward to anymore. Though looking at it from a different angle now there’s so much to look forward to.

Like for me I have seeing my friends to be happy for. I will get into more detail about how I spend my summer holidays later on today once I get a solid 8 hour sleep and make a little more sense. : ) But needless to say, I have a cabin that I spend every summer at and almost all of my best friends have a place there as well. I am not sure how I got so lucky that all my best friends decided to buy in the same complex as us but I am so thankful. Sometimes friendships are broken over the summer when people have to take different paths and aren’t able to keep in contact as they did before. I’ve known of a lot of my friends that have had friendships torn apart by distance or lack of effort from both parties. But for me, I’m fortunate enough that the summer has the complete opposite effect. I do miss those of my best friends that stay at home but when I come back from my cabin when my parent’s need to work I get to spend time with them too. I should be looking forward to waking up to see those I love everyday, and for those that won’t be there when I open my eyes, I can look forward to seeing them when I get home.

I tend to look forward to my next year of school a lot during the summer. I think all of the extra time to think shows me how much I truly miss my school and those that are in it. I always get excited knowing that I’m embarking on a total new chapter of my life. Every single one of them are so sacred and to take them for granted would be horrifying. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog. I wanted to be able to share my teenage years and be able to appreciate them later on in my life. I am probably one of the very few girls who actually keep a diary, but that’s not enough for me. I want to be able to not only share my memories, thoughts and dreams with all of you, but I also want to be able to know that I was able to bond with others and realize so many new things simply because I put my memories down on a plain cyber page.

… I got waaay off topic there but I think you see a little bit of why I’m excited for school to start once again! : ) a little.

There will always be so much to look forward to, but the importance is just enjoying the moment you’re in. Some of the best times are unplanned and spontaneous. It makes sense to think that if you always knew what was going to happen then you would never be able to feel the overwhelming joy and happiness of an incredible moment or memory.

So for August I’m going to make a resolution. I know it’s not as special as a New Years resolution but the changing of months is a perfectly good reason to make a change. In August I am going to try my absolute best to live in the moment. Not to want so deeply to be in a different moment than the one I am. Of course, there will be times when I will be looking forward to something or be bringing back old memories to try to better know you! But, I’ll try to just kick back and let everything just happen as it pleases, instead of hoping and waiting for what’s yet to come.

Now, here is my questions for you!

Firstly, do you always live in the moment? Be honest, because I think we all wander from time to time, but how much do you really find yourself wanting to be in another moment completely?

& secondly, what is gonna be your August resolution? hahah, or are you actually normal and don’t change each month? ( =

You may respond one, or both ways! You can email me at  then-now-forever@hotmail.com – good? Or you can comment your precious heart out – better!

Well, it’s now 5:12 am and I just might be a little tired now. Wooofreakinghoo.

Hope you all enjoy a beautiful August morning and I will surely talk to you later today! : )

Iheartyou, <3